Building My Brand - the "This Dude" edition

This dude

The one I met a few years back

He’s the inspiration for this track

A picnic, some dancing

And this dude comes along

He danced his way beside me

Leave it to him to blindside me

Did you know

Before I Let Go

Was our first dance song?

He spoke good words

Funny but from the heart

But before we could start

To build anything

A whole lot would have to be finished

And so we closed out old stuff

Because we had to

And when we went through

We held on

Because our love was enough

This dude

To the world

Laugh out loud crazy but respected much

With me

Soft of voice and tender touch

Writing me Roses are Red poems

He meant what he said poems

And told me that we would be together

I’d stopped believing in forever

Just surviving one day at a time

But his love set off the rhyme

In my soul

And then I knew

I knew

He’s not perfect by a long shot

And I’m not into reverence

But our business

Is our business

So I give our relationship deference

He’s my dude

I love him

And I learn from him

And get inspired by him

Never get tired of him

He challenges me

Good enough is never enough

And he’s like the Gray men

I grew up with

Dedication to family

Even when times are tough

He’s the other side

To my Libra scale

And when I’m off kilter

And feel like I’m falling

He won’t let me fail

That’s my dude yes

And I am grateful

The world can be hateful

But my home is filled with love

And that’s what I think of

When I’m tired

Or scared

Or frustrated

He cared

He loved

He talked

He taught

And I’m the better for it.

Building my Brand - The JRob Factor

JRob is a nickname I've always had for my son. I don't say it out loud much, but I type it all the time.

I had Jonathan when I was 20. I was a shocked and scared new mother, but he was the best thing that ever happened. And I think sometimes even as a baby, he comforted me just as much as I comforted him.

When he was just shy of 7, I got a job opportunity that would require us to move to North Carolina from Georgia. I only knew a few coworkers, but he would be leaving all of the family and friends he'd ever known. He was such a trooper. And he even asked me to buy him a UNC short set he saw, so he could wear it on the day we moved. And he did put it on, that chilly spring Monday in April 1997. Poor thing, his stomach was in knots. But when we arrived in NC, we picked up the keys to our new apartment and started making our new place our home. We went and picked out things for his room and started to build our new life.

And a great life it has been. He's made me proud. He is so much a part of me that replaying his life is replaying my own. From track practices and track meets, working on school projects, becoming a rugby mom (yes, I said rugby... only Jonathan) taking him for his first job interview, watching him march across that stage - all of these are part of our tapestry. And no matter what storms have come, nothing could shake our love for each other. Nothing.

So this dude, almost 21 years my junior, has taught me a few things. And I see a few things in him that I know came from me. And it all just makes me love the part he plays in my brand.

* Be slow to speak and slow to anger. Only say what needs to be said. No other words are necessary.

* It is okay to try something new. And it is just as okay to walk away from it when it no longer brings you joy.

* Have a great work ethic. It not only makes others feel good about who you are, it makes you feel good about yourself.

* At the end of the day, family will be there. No matter how far you've wandered off, the ones who love you will still be there for you.

* Have a swag about yourself. It is part of what makes you, YOU.

Thanks, J, for teaching me so much about life.

Building my Brand - the Valeria Factor

So... the Valeria factor. This one will be a fun one to write.

I am named after my mother. I know this confused a few folks on FB at first because it looked like I was talking to myself! But the original Valeria is very much a real force and she's a pretty special lady. And we have a couple of things in common.

My mom is one of the most dedicated mothers I've ever known. No matter what activities her children were involved in, Mama was there. Football games, dance recitals, band concerts, just everything. And I loved doing that for my son. The track practices and all day track meets, the rugby games... had an absolute blast. I used to look around at some of the other kids and think "I wouldn't know his/her mom if she walked up to me right now" because they were NEVER there. It never occurred to me to skip an event... my mom wouldn't, why would I?

My mom is also Mrs. Fix It. God bless my Dad's soul, but my mom ruled the toolbox in our house. Putting stuff together, hanging shelves, moving furniture. Mom was a dynamo. One of her friends once told her that "Val could fix anything with a glue gun and a can of paint". I definitely picked up on this skill set. I love creating stuff, making it better, seeing a job well done.

My mom was also fearless when she had a vision. She started two small businesses in about 5 years. No grandiose plans, no huge contemplation. She saw something she wanted to do and she did it. And she enjoyed every minute of it. I love that about her. It makes me think... hmmm, I'm good at this, I could make this work. And because I'm good, folks will buy what I'm selling.

So among many other things, I learned:

The importance of being present in the life of my child.
The skills it takes to do what needs to be done without waiting for others to do it.
The gift of dreaming, and putting those dreams into plans and action.
And I learned how to cook a pretty good meal even when she thought I wasn't paying attention :)

Yep, it is good to be a Valeria.

Building my Brand - the Gray Factor

I gave myself a mental sabbatical today so I had a lot of time to think.

In trying to determine my talents, I thought I'd go way back and figure out the basics of who I am. That took me back to thinking about my siblings because we can learn a lot about ourselves from looking at our families.

I have two older brothers, did you all know that? On the surface, we have a few things in common that don't require much digging to see. We are all extremely family oriented, we're all pretty funny in our own way, we are all educated, and we all have some level of success in our chosen careers.

Even at first glance I thought that was about it, but then I decided to dig deeper.

My brothers and I are all artists in our own way. It took me a second to come to that conclusion but this goes to the little known facts about the Gray children. And they probably don't even know I remember some of the things that I do.

My oldest brother is a musician and has a beautiful singing voice. He also did some acting and performing in college. I remember him being a DJ, and I remember hearing an audio tape of him singing "The Closer I Get to You" during a college show.

My next oldest brother is an amazing artist. I still remember his drawings and paintings. Today I remembered him having a charcoal sketch pad and drawing pictures of family members and even our beloved pet during a trip to Texas. He drew my afro puffs and my pug nose just perfectly.

I am the writer. I have a passion for words and thoughts and feelings. And I love creating beautiful things. Although I cannot draw, I can visualize things and recreate them without much direction. I was very grateful for this skill helping my son with school projects and planning my wedding.

None of us made our career in these gifts. But they are still very much part of us.

We do have one thing in common that has fueled our career success. We are all extremely analytical. We can take the complex and break it down in bite sized pieces that can be understood by others. We think twice and speak once and because of that we are respected - because when we do speak, we speak with truth and clarity.

So in just recalling some wonderful family memories, I have pulled out a few of my skills.

I am a writer.
I am analytical, and can interpret the complex to make it simpler to understand.
I am able to create beautiful things once I have a vision.

That's a great start, I think.

Building my Brand - Discovering my Gifts

So, the first portion of my journey will be a discovery phase. Discovery of my gifts and my talents.

Imagine trying to put together a sales circular to advertise something. But you don't know what you have for sale, how much it costs, how much inventory you have... sort of hard to build your brand blindly, huh?

I'm not sure how long this phase will take. But it is my personal journey so it really doesn't matter the distance, it just matters that I stay the path.

What does "Prosperous" look like? Building My Brand - the Intro

So… what does prosperous look like?

I've been thinking of this for a while in conjunction with the new challenge I'm giving myself. I want to build my brand. I have been feeling less than spectacular lately although a lot of things are going really well.

When you look at the "Golden Arches" or a Red bulls eye, your brain triggers brand recognition without even seeing or hearing another word. It is because those companies have done such an awesome job at building their brands.

When someone sees your picture, what do they think? I mean beyond recognizing you and calling you by name, what impression have you left?

That's what I mean by brand recognition. I want to be more than just a name, more than just "Oh, that's Val". And although I know that folks love me and support me, how much do they really know about what I have to offer? I'm sure folks know about the attribute of my life that touches them specifically, have I presented a total package?

Or more importantly, do I even know what my own total package is?

Prosperous Education

I started my college education at UGA in 1987. I was smart enough to get in but really didn't have the study skills for a demanding college. Plus I was enjoying my first taste of freedom (at a party school no less) and well... yeah. I left UGA in 1989 when I found out I was expecting what would become my life's greatest blessing. Hey Jonathan!

After Jonathan was born, I went back to technical school. I wanted to further my education, but my grades from UGA were so dismal that I couldn't transfer. So I enrolled in an Accounting Technology program and learned how to study and take notes. My first semester I made all As. And I made all As every semester except one - when I made a B in a typing class (that thing still ticks me off, LOL). But I had something to prove to myself and I had a son to support. And I knew that I could do it. I felt strong again, and confident, and much like my old high school self when it came to education.

After I graduated that program, I started working at a little Red and Blue bank in Atlanta. (I won't go into my career much, because that deserves its own prosperous post). But that job gave me a promotion and transfer to Charlotte in 1997.

In 2002, my son was 12 and I decided it was time for me to finish my degree. There were a few reasons behind this.

• I wanted the "Bachelor's degree required" in job descriptions to no longer be a hinderance.
• I wanted to show my son that anything was possible with hard work.
• I wanted my parents to have a complete set of degrees on their wall from ALL of their children, and I wanted to walk across stage with them healthy enough to be there and see it.

Enrolled in one classs to get my feet wet - got an A. Next semester I took 3 classes and got all A's. (I was still working full time as a project manager, by the way). I kept going, and every semester after that one I took a full load of classes. I got 2 Bs in the 3 years I was in college. I graduated May 2005 from University of North Carolina-Charlotte with a 3.79 GPA. And my entire family was there. God is good.

Prosperity lesson - sometimes doing it is as simple as deciding it should be done. God given intellect is the start, but the desire to "do" is what puts that gift into action.

Un-Prosperous Health

I'm probably going to take many posts to talk about health. This is a huge bite of the elephant so I want to make sure I give it its just due.

I am not at a place I'd consider healthy right now. I am overweight and since I've turned 40 the weight is piling on even more. My blood sugar is poorly managed. I work out sporadically at best and get discouraged easily. Each of these things probably deserve their own posts and I will likely break them down more and revisit them often. Because first is documenting the problem - and then working continuously on a solution.

Let's start with the weight.

I like to eat. I like to eat A LOT. I love sweet and salty. I also tend to eat emotionally. And since a full life is replete with ups and downs... yep, eat.

I've had tons of fits and starts on changing my way of eating. Because I am smart enough to realize that short term diets only yield short term results. So I try to research ways of life that are sustainable and don't make me feel like I am being robbed of life. I start and I stop... and start and stop...

Oops! Let me circle back and add an insight in here. I am gifted and have a ton of book sense. I have amazing recall and remember facts years after they even matter to most people. When something sinks in, it sticks. That means that a LOT of things come easy to me, at least intellectually. I was and am a proud nerd, and I grew up with a lot of stress on education and success, but not much talking about healthy lifestyles (this will come up more in later posts).

Being smart is a great thing, right? In most cases, yes. But it has a downside. When some things come easy to me, the things that challenge me seem that much harder. (I started typing this paragraph in the 3rd voice, but this isn't about "you" or "they" - it is about me). So when a person who achieves easily comes against a hard force, what happens? I get frustrated and quit because it isn't easy enough. Because as smart and talented as I am, if it is that hard for me then it must not be for me.

Now, how stupid is saying "Being healthy is not for me?" I'd never consciously say that. But my actions relay that message.

So what is my first step? Typing this "out loud" was my first step! Being honest about it was my first step. My next step will be to acknowledge the common challenges I face and put together a realistic and sustainable action plan to address them.

This is a tough piece of my elephant, but taking the first bite makes it seem so much more conquerable.

So - What's the Plan?

"So, we've identified the situation. What's next?"

What, now I have to have an answer? I didn't sign up for that! Nah, just kidding. Next is picking apart the situation.

Q: How do you eat an elephant?
A: One bite at a time.

First is breaking this thing down into bite sized chunks. Saying "I need to lose 100 pounds" is daunting and may not be realistic based on my composition. Saying "I need to eat better and exercise more" brings it into focus. It means that I've put my eyes on what's most important and a goal I can control.

Don't get me wrong, there may be some weeping and gnashing of teeth along the way. I'm nothing else if not dramatic and have a slight gift of self-deprecation. Plus - I NEED to vent. I don't need to feel sorry for myself. I don't need to give up. But I do need an outlet. And isn't that the main purpose of a blog?

The funniest part for me is figuring out which bite of the elephant to take first. Do I start with the easy ones and build up momentum? Or do I tackle a hard one? No matter which one I choose, my first response is "Uh oh, I gotta talk about THAT?" Again... talking, the reason for the whole blogging thing.

But I do want to examine each area of my life in bite-sized chunks, even the ones that are going well. Because even there, I can find opportunities to do better. And it gives me an opportunity to celebrate myself because in spite of it all, I am a pretty awesome person.

So, if I were interviewing you... which "bite" of your life would you want to chew on first?

The Fear of Success

Doesn't even sound right, does it?

But that's the result of almost every personality evaluation that I've ever taken.

Fear.Of.Success.

What does that even mean, anyway? And if I'm afraid of success, why am I successful at some things?

It means (for me) that I'm not really afraid that I'll fail. Partially because I take my talents for granted... bad girl. But here's my special recipe of bass ackwardness... what will happen if I succeed? Will people expect more of me? If I slip and fall after I succeed, will people say "I told you so?" What if I get tired and have a day (or week, or month) of not wanting to be extraordinary?

It is so funny to type, and I've had people - even family - laugh at me when I've tried to express it before? I mean, who is afraid of being smart? Who is afraid of promotions at work? Who is afraid of being MORE?

Well... me, that's who.

Why? Where did it start? I don't know... but we'll start peeling back those layers. Plus if I put it all in this post, what will go in post #2?

First step to getting over the fear of success... being willing to take a second step.